My lolo or Papang, as we call him, died last Saturday after being confined at the Cardio-vascular Unit (CVU) of the UST Hospital for 18 days. He was burried last tuesday at Himlayang Pilipino. I have so many memories that I can't express but words got to me. Deep.

I remember the words of my Tita Reine, who is a nun, telling us "Your lolo was able to survive heart attack, MIS and pneumonia... but old age got to him". Then Lola or Mamang spoke of him as "a great leader" and she kept on saying "goodbye partner". I heard Tita Litz weeping.. "Poppy".. Papa kept silent.

While we were in Arlington, Tita Reine asked us if we wanted to share anything about papang or if we have any fond memories with him. We didn't say anything. Besides the fact that Tita was really fluent when she had her speech (and I was intimidated), I can't think of anything else to say... But these were my thoughts... When I was born, Papang was still living in the states. He went home here when I was about 5. In gradeschool, whenever I would be on the top 10, he would give me money as a reward. 20 pesos (hehe) when I'm number 2 and 100 pesos when number 1. What a difference noh? When we visit him in Project 8, my cousins and I would terrorize his lawn (including his homegrown veggies) and he would get grouchy. I remember telling my Papa "mas love ni Papang yung mga halaman niya" which of course isn't true. Then came the gap-years. Papa and Papang did not speak to each other for years. Nagtampo si Papa because lolo called him (this is the exact word) "greedy". Papa didn't actually forbid us to go to lolo's but it was an initiative on our part. I don't know how but after some years, Papa got over the name-calling and we saw Papang again. Papang is very gwapo for his age, he looks like Joker Arroyo. I'll post his pictures when I get them.

Going back, the last time I saw Papang, he was in the hospital. He smiled when I came even though he didn't have any teeth. I held his hands and gently massaged it. I looked at his pale complexion and his smiling eyes. He was murmuring something to Papa and me but I didn't understand. Only Papa understood him. But even though I can't understand, I just nodded. I wanted to say so many things to him but I don't know what. Yeah, that's confusing pero totoo. All I was able to say is "Lo, pagaling po kayo." When we had to leave the hospital, I held his hands again and murmured the same thing. Upon reaching the door, I looked back at him and waved again. Sabi ko "Bye Lolo". The weird part, even though he was very sick, he smiled and waved to me too. Ironic noh. That goodbye was really goodbye.

I didn't cry when Papang died. Wala. Kasi when I think about it, I should be glad because I know na he's going to hurt more if he stayed longer. I knew he was in pain during his last days. "Death is an act of mercy from God" sabi ni Papa and I believe him. I heard Mamang say it's the only thing they're waiting for.

During Lolo's wake, ate Sha and I were looking at Papang's picture... and what we saw was happy and fulfilled man.

Ahhhh at last.



I am thankful that I have a loving family.
I am thankful that I am not awkward looking.
I am thankful that I have real friends.
I am thankful that I have good grades.
I am thankful that I have Pat.

Four more days to go and school's going to be over. Phew. Thank God. I have survived accounting, even though I'd probably get a low grade. Huhu. Stupid Worksheet. The funnest part of this semester is Art Appreciation. We painted, sculpted, watched a play at ateneo and we danced and sung (more like lipsynched) CATS.

This cat just went to us when we were practicing sa Grandstand. She was pregnant and they say it was lucky.



The cat's MEOW. :)


sculpture ko medium: hardening clay.


the mess


venue: terrace namin


my sculpture and I


thank you sun :)


french tip ala clay.

OJT will start on April 10 at Chinabank. Hectic ang sched because I'll be working from 8:30 to 5:30 in Makati. But it's okay because I get to work in the Legal Division and with PAT<3.

The CAT got soaked and drowned by her own words... and saliva. Tsk tsk. Too bad. :)

Thank you sa mga people na HINDI NAGALIT sa paglabas ko ng side ko at lalo pa nilang klinear yung issue. At sa mga PEOPLE na hindi matanggap ang SIDE KO. Well, no comment. I didn't know na masama na pala maglabas ng side. Anyway, wala namang derregatory nature ang nilabas ko ah. So NO COMMENT. :P

It's so hilarious to see people react even though they're not the ones who I'm talking about in:

AND TO YOU. Wala lang, sorry ah pero makakarma ka rin sa pangbabackstab mo.

Halatang guilty eh. Hoy hija/o, ikaw ba yan? Sigurado ka ba na ikaw yan? Kung giulty ka kahit hindi ikaw to, quiet ka na lang. Napaghahalataan eh.

Mahal ko ang 8. Itutuloy na lang sa 21. Yey!

I know you're a little bitter because I "left you all hanging in the air". That's sooo not true. You've made your choice when you allowed them to be part of the group and I made mine too. I didn't want them in ours. I already told you my side and I even went as far as to tell you that I'll just find another group if you are going to take them. But you still insisted on hearing their plea and taking them so I just gave way and looked for another group. Then you guys suddenly told me that you feel bad because "nang-iwan ako sa ere".

First of all, it was never a "test of friendship". It's not my fault that you are left with them. I just want to remind you that it's you who chose them to be part of the group. Friendship is not measured by whose group you are in. Friendship includes respecting your friend's decision and that is, respecting my decision of not accepting them. Second, the reason I left is because I didn't want to be grouped with them even though all I wanted was to be grouped with you guys. So don't tell me that I left you guys hanging in the air and with the burden of you two just doing the work. Again, it's not my choice but yours. Third, why would you want to force me to work with people I don't want to work with? I have the right to choose naman di ba so why would you blame me for switching to another group? I know that from the start we have decided that it was the three of us all the way but it was originally that. Just the three of us. Lastly, is it only Gio? No. I think there's another one named ketchup.

Alam niyo, kung feeling niyo kayo nasaktan, mas nasaktan kaya ako. Kasi kahit sinabi ko nang aalis ako pag tinanggap niyo si Gio, okay lang sa inyo. Actually, ang lumabas parang mas pinili niyo siya. Kasi hindi naman ako on the spot na biglang umalis. Tandang-tanda ko pa na sinabi ko na pag sumali si Gio, aalis ako. At okay lang naman talaga sa kin na umalis kaso ang nakakasakit lang eh yung kayo pa yung magtatampo imbes na irespeto niyo na lang desisyon ko. Bakit sa tingin niyo ba na mas gusto ko kina Yanyan kesa sa inyo? Siyempre mas gusto ko sa inyo kasi super friends ko kayo. Pero the fact na isisisi niyo sa kin na naiwan kayo sa burden kina Gio, excuse me pero kaya nga ako umalis di ba kasi ayoko ka-group si Gio. Oo, hindi ako tulad niyong may-awa kasi nafo-foresee ko ang nangyayari. Hindi ako bobo, alam ko na ang mangyayari. I just don't let my emotions get in the way of studies kasi magkaiba yung dalawang iyon. Tapos parang ipinapamukha niyo sa kin kahapon na di niyo ko ka-group. Wala lang. Di ba yan ang totoong test of friendship?

Sorry hindi kayo pwedeng magcomment dito kasi nag-eexplain ako. Wala lang talaga. Sana before kayo maging ganyan, inisip niyo man lang na nasaktan ako nung pinayagan niyo si Gio na maging ka-group niyo kahit na sinabi kong aalis ako pag nangyari yun. Alam niyong sensitive ako kaya kahit di niyo sinasabi, nakikita naman sa tingin niyo lalo na sa SMIRKS niyo. Pasensya pero hindi ako mag-aapologize sa paglipat ng grupo. Hindi ako nang-iwan sa ere. Magrespetuhan na lang tayo kasi nirespeto ko naman desisyon niyo na tanggapin sila eh. PEACE

AND TO YOU. Wala lang, sorry ah pero makakarma ka rin sa pangbabackstab mo.

I won't be blogging for a month kasi I want everyone to see this. Para lang i-clear yung side ko.

Gusto kong ma-inlove. As in sobrang inlove na tipong mahal na mahal ko ang lalaki at mahal na mahal din niya ako. Yung tipong head over heels inlove kami pareho na spontaneous lang kami. Walang kasiguraduhan ang kinabukasan dahil kami mismo, magkasamang gagawa nun. Ayoko ng planado ang lahat, gusto ko yung tipong aayain na lang ako biglang magpakasal. Crazy inlove kumbaga. Ayoko ng predictable. Iba kasi ang dating sa akin ng ganon. Para bang isisingit ka na lang nila sa plano nila sa future kung kailan ka pwedeng maisingit. Kung kailan tapos na ang lahat. Hindi ko gusto nun.

Hindi ko hinihingi ang matiwasay na buhay kaagad. Gusto ko kasama ko ang mamahalin ko sa paggawa ng mga pangarap namin. Ayoko ng FURNISHED LIFE. Ayoko ng PRE-FABRICATED life. Ayoko ng CUSTOM-BUILT na pag-ibig. Gusto ko, love. Love at its peak na tipong kasama ako sa pangarap niya. Iyong hindi lang dagdag sa mga pangarap niya.

GUSTO KONG MA-INLOVE NG GANOON.

Nararamdaman ko na sawa ka na sa lahat. Sa mga nangyayari, sa mga pangyayari. Nakikita ko 'to sa mga tingin mo, napapansin ko rin sa mga aksyon mo. Aminin mo man o hindi, malakas ang pakiramdam ko na wala ka nang gana. Wala ka nang nararamdaman. Iba ka na nga kaya nga iba na rin ako sa'yo. Sa totoo lang, sawa na rin ako sa lahat. Sawa na ako. Ewan ko ba, nung una parang gusto ko pa talagang ayusin. Gusto kong bumalik yung dati mong pagtingin sa 'kin pero ngayon, ayoko na rin. Gusto ko na lang biglang hindi mag-usap. Parang ayaw na nga rin kitang makita eh. Sa totoo lang, parati akong humingi ng halik sapagkat gusto kong maramdaman ang sigla dati. Pero hindi na talaga ganoon katamis. Kahit ako, wala nang nararamdaman kapag dumadampi ang iyong labi. Hindi ko alam kung sino ang may problema, ako ba o ikaw. Magulo eh. Gusto ko na munang magsolo, umuwi mag-isa, matulog ng dire-diretso at higit sa lahat, umiwas sa'yo. Ayoko na eh. Sawa na rin ako sa 'tin.

Labels: pocholo

I am bitter. Not to those people who really deserve it but to you, my friend. You rejoice whenever I'm down and when I'm up, you pull me down. Give me some credit because somehow I deserve it. Why do you become sad when I reach the top instead of being glad about it? Why do you want that it's always you? About you, you, you...

Why? Because you're crabby. Haha. A true-blooded Filipino in the negative way.

After stumbling on a huge rock, Pat and I managed to get back on our feet and move on. Together. I can't believe it went on for six days. We talked after my class in Retorika and he finally admitted he missed me (haha). He told me that he wanted to fix everything (so did I) but I was stubborn at first. When he was about to be permanently repelled by my coldness... I hugged him and then, bam. Our story goes on. :)

I decided to wait for him 'til 9pm and then we had dinner with his family. His parents invited me over =) They had a celebration because as you all know (or not), he's the highest GOLD awardee in the whole Faculty of Arts and Letters of UST and a recognition was held. :D His parents also congratulated me and I watched tv with his family. Ang babaw ko no. =D

That happened last friday. Yesterday, I took him to my high school and we ate at Mrs. Howard's. It's this semi-fancy and cozy bakeshop in front of my high school in Mo. Ignacia avenue. We ate spaghetti and baby cupcakes. Haha Then we watched a movie at the Block, Music and Lyrics and we both liked it. "All I wanna do is find a way back into love..." Hehehe.

Sadly it rained but it only made the night end lovelier. That's because we end up eating at Mcdonald's. We warmed ourselves with an apple pie and hot choco. Then... we cuddled. I went home grinning and smiling like everything's all right again, which it is, and I couldn't be much happier. =)

Labels: pocholo