I attended the burial of my uncle awhile ago and the fact of the matter is, I'm not afraid anymore. I used to dislike the idea of going to the wakes of dead people. It made me scared. Scared of the thought that everybody dies and that eventually, I'll die after some time. The thought sickens me. The realization that life is too fragile and short, well, I never appreciated it. But that's how it is. Somehow, I started accepting it. When someone not close to you die, just an aquaintance, you feel scared. But when someone close to you die, it's different. You do not become afraid of it, of death, or him showing up as ghost (haha that's me). You forget about being afraid. Why? Because your fright is overcome by sadness and longing. But more than that, you know that that person will not harm you.


sorry na po Buhay ko

PS: Nakita ko mommy ni chino :D haha

If it's God's will, it will happen.
When I was young, I never wanted to be a lawyer. My parents would often say that I am well-suited to be one (because I was so outspoken at that time) but I always dismiss the idea of me becoming a barrister (not a barrista, stupid). Sure it pays well but I always thought it was blood money. That was before. Before I knew that there are different types of lawyers aside from being a criminal lawyer.

When I was not so young anymore, I want it so bad. I want the prestige and because I do not want to be compared to my siblings. Never will I be the failure of this family. That's the goal. So I worked hard for it, realizing that it was really a mistake to take school for granted. Then I lost it, the interest.

When I was of this age, a few months before, I did not want it anymore. I just want to marry off and then try to live behind someone else's shadow. Yep, someone else's shadow.

Now as I sit here, before this lousy computer, contemplating about my dream, ambition, whatever you call this absurdity, I made up my mind. I want to be a lawyer and a wife. Both. Not compromising either of them.

HERE's THE DEAL:
If I pass the entrance exam in UP law school, I would pursue law. If not, I won't. It's UP or nothing.

That's the SIGN.

If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have survived this long. I would have broken myself into pieces, all my dreams shattered. Juggling school, work and you is really hard but YOU make all the difference. Without you, my hopes would have spiraled down, along with it, a pitiful me. Without you, I would have shattered into pieces... But then again, when I think about it, YOU would surely pick me up and put me back together. Whole. Even if it takes forever.

For all that, all I could say is thank you. :D

<3<3<3<3

There are people that say what you wanna hear
Even on a raining day they'll tell you the sky is clear
When you really really love someone
Am I right when I say that you want them near?
And if you can't even tell them things that they wanna hear

And there are people that say what they really mean
He said he'd always be there
He said he'd always care
But just when you think that you can
Trust that someone you love
Tell me why, or do you know
How stars can fall from above?

"Always, forever"
All things he said
"Never say never"
Those simple lies that he fed
"I will never leave you"
All the love I thought he had
But can you blame me, no
Cause that's what he said
That's what he said
He told me we'd see forever
That's what he said, he said.

Because you made promises
That you couldn't keep
But you're not hurting yourself
You're only hurting me
Why would you say things that you really didn't mean?
Oh how can I make you see
Just what you did to me?

Oh, you said how much you really cared
Just when I thought I was in love
Boy, how could you do it?
If I were you I could not lie even once
To the face of the one
That I love so much

"Always, forever"
All things you said
"Never say never"
Those simple lies that you fed
"I will never leave you"
All the love I thought you had
But can you blame me, no
Because that's what YOU said.

Wala na. Bagsak na ko sa Filipino. Napakababa ko na talaga. Huhuhu...Makikita niyo na ako sa ocean floor. Isa kasi akong fish na pilit na lumalangoy pataas ngunit kailanman ay hindi makakalabas sa ocean. Hindi ako lalagpas sa water papuntang air.

In short ako si Little Mermaid ngayon.

Up where they walk, up where they run. Up where they stay all day in the sun. Out of the sea, wish I could be, Part of their world.

Wala na talaga. Huhu :(

Namumula na ako sa kanilang mga tingin. Hindi ko na makayanan sapagkat nararamdaman ko ang kanilang mga matang patuloy na tumititig sa akin. Nadulas ako, lahat naman ng tao'y nadudulas hindi ba?

Hindi ko kasalanang madulas sa hagdanang aking binabaan. Kung alam ko lang ay maaaring humawak ako ng mabuti sa metal na nakakabit dito sa hagdan. Kung alam ko lang, maaaring hindi rin ako rito dumaan. At kung nakita ko lang ang mangyayari, hindi na sana ako pumunta sa lugar na ito. Ngunit wala na akong magagawa, hindi ko alam.

Hindi ako makatingin ng diretso at hindi ko rin maiharap ang aking sarili. May naririnig akong mga taong nagpipigil ng kanilang tawa kaya hindi ko maiwasang maglakad ng nakayuko at tumigin sa aking mga paa. Ang aking mga kawawang paa na nanlumo, ngayon ay punong-puno ng enerhiya at nagmamadali sa pag-alis sa lugar ng mga taong napasaya ko.

Hindi na muli akong babalik sa lugar na iyon, iyan ang sabi ko nang mangyari ito. Ngunit gaya ng aking pagkadulas na nakalimutan na ng mga tao, nakalimutan ko na rin ang katagang nabitawan ko. Nagpupunta na muli ako roon. Ang hindi ko lang malilimutan ay ang pagkakadulas ko at ang muling pagbangon ko rito. Isang aral ang aking isinabuhay. Limutin na ang lahat, huwag lamang ang mga pagkakamali.